Knowing your worth in the workplace and beyond
This piece is part of a series by Calypso, The Know’s resident careers expert, which is all about helping you level up at work and identify the career path that’s right for you.
Calypso Barnum-Bobb is a self-discovery coach who helps people express their most authentic selves so they can create lives they’re truly obsessed with.
Our worth is intrinsic - it isn’t up for discussion. But from a really young age, how we value ourselves is (or isn’t) validated by others, from our caregivers to our teachers. When we enter the world of work, we typically put our worth and validation in the hands of others once again.
Self-worth - which is shaped by all our previous life experiences - affects every single thing we do. That’s why taking a moment to stop and think about how worthy we feel we are for the things in our lives - from our careers to relationships - can be a really valuable exercise.
If, after doing this, you realise that you have work to do on your self-worth, you need to interrogate the limiting, unconscious beliefs that are holding you back. Shifting the way you feel about yourself definitely isn’t easy - but here’s how to make a start.
Practice affirmations and mantras
I’ll be honest - I used to think that affirmations were really cheesy! I just didn’t get how repeating or writing down the same phrase every morning could make me feel any better. But once I started thinking about affirmations in terms of how the brain works, it all fell into place.
Think of the subconscious mind as a forest. There’s one clear path - and this represents your negative thoughts and self-beliefs. When you’re put in a situation that’s outside your comfort zone, your mind will immediately follow this well-trodden path, ultimately telling your brain that you can’t do something.
Affirmations and mantras work by creating alternative, positive pathways in this hypothetical forest, so eventually your reflex response to scary situations isn’t “I can’t do this”.
Repeating a mantra once is unlikely to help you get to the other side, but the more you feed your unconscious mind with this belief, the clearer the path becomes (even if you don’t believe it straight away!).
2. Step outside your comfort zone
Stepping outside of your comfort zone is a really great way to boost your sense of self-worth - and practising affirmations makes it that bit easier to do.
This could look like repeating something like “I am capable of doing new and scary and exciting things” to yourself - and letting that mantra take you to that new dance class you’ve never had the confidence to attend before.
This step is especially important if you tend to consider your worthiness through the prism of work. What things can you do to make you feel good enough outside of your job?
3. Celebrate your wins
Think about how much time you spend ridiculing yourself for everything you’ve ever done wrong - and start carving out time to look at what you’ve done right instead. One way of doing this is by creating what I call an “I’ve got this list”.
Our worth is intrinsic, but it is so hard to recognise your own successes. By making a conscious effort to notice and celebrate them, you’ll feel much more confident in whatever it is you want to do next.
4. Seek out advice
If you feel like you’ve been battling with your self-worth for a long time, it might be worth thinking about getting some support.
Usually, if we continually question our worth it’s because someone - maybe a caregiver, teacher or partner - has instilled in us that we aren’t worthy. Working with a trained therapist or a coach, who can help you heal those deep wounds, could be a worthwhile investment in your future happiness. You don’t need to discover your worth alone.
And a final note from me. How often have you ever thought that someone isn’t worthy of something? Probably hardly ever - and if you have ever felt like that, it likely came from a place of jealousy.
So in reality, the likelihood of anyone questioning whether you’re worthy of something is probably much lower than you think it is. Don’t let the stories you tell yourself about whether or not you’re capable stop you from giving new things a try.