How to take the stress out of decision making
In this piece, The Know writer Julia Hernandez uses advice from the experts to make major life decisions a little less scary.
I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of being told to trust my gut. My tummy is great at informing me of when I’m hungry, or when I’ve eaten a bit too much of something rich. But it’s not very good at telling me whether I should change my job, commit to a new partner, or finally book that slightly-too-expensive holiday.
Making major life decisions is tough for a lot of us - although if you’re one of the few people who seems to instinctively know exactly what they want, I extend to you the sincerest of kudos.
For the rest of us, though, advice that goes a little deeper than “follow your intuition” is in order - especially during summer, a time of transition for many of us. Although most people make major life decisions around the new year, there’s something energising about warm weather - plus our childhood association of summer as a time of change and exploration. This very feeling has culminated in many of my friends deciding to get engaged, move cities, and switch jobs lately.
For the other people on the precipice of major life changes, here’s some advice from the experts of getting in on the “big decision” action - specifically designed for those of us who don’t feel like they have a great gut instinct.
Do your research. Then make a pros and cons list.
While pros and cons lists seem like the most obvious of options, mental health specialist Ray Sadoun reminds us that we often haven’t considered many important variables when we’re wrapped up in the anxiety of decision making. First make sure you have all of the information you need about your options, then summarise it in a simple graphic that’ll distil which issues are key to the decisions.
Imagine yourself in a snow globe.
Hear me out. According to life coach Emma Jefferys, imagining yourself isolated from the pressure of other people’s opinions can bring you the peace you need to make the right move for you. As she puts it, justifying your decision with the word “should” is an immediate warning sign - it means you’re filtering your options through social expectations. If you stepped into a snow globe - the ultimate image of peace and solitude - would you make the same decision?
Think about what would happen if it wasn’t possible anymore.
Let’s say you’ve been offered two jobs (good for you!), and you’re not sure which one is the better option. Jefferys recommends imagining how you’d feel if one of the offers was retracted. Then think about how you’d feel if the other was off the table. Which feelings does each hypothetical situation bring up? Does that tell you anything about where your desires truly lie?
Consider your values.
Whenever you’re really stuck, one of the best courses of action is to bring things back to basics: your core values. Decision making difficulties often come down to conflicting values. Say you’re considering taking a cool new job abroad - but it’ll involve a pay cut. Do you value stability and security more than you value exploration? Think about what moves you most at your core and try to make decisions that align with that.
Let go of the idea that there’s a right or wrong choice.
Sometimes, decision paralysis comes down to the fear that you’ll make a choice that won’t make you happy in the end, and you’ll kick yourself for not having gone with the other option. But being unhappy down the line doesn’t reflect badly on you - and there’s no guarantee that you would have been happier if you’d gone another way. Give yourself the grace to know that you made the best decision you could have made with the information you had at the time, and remember that less joyful seasons are part of life - we shouldn’t live in anxious avoidance of the inevitable.
Wherever life takes you next, I invite you to take some of the pressure off of yourself, slow down, and to assume success in whatever you choose. And if you’d like to share about the big life changes you’re gearing up for, email us at hello@theknowmedia.co ! We’d love to hear about it.