How to negotiate
This piece is part of a series by Calypso, The Know’s resident careers expert, which is all about helping you level up in your career.
Calypso Barnum-Bobb is a self-discovery coach who helps people express their most authentic selves so they can create lives they’re truly obsessed with.
Whether we’re asking for more pay, flexible working or something small, like leaving work early to make school pick up, negotiating is so often framed as a difficult or extravagant ask.
We often think we have to accept what’s given to us without ever questioning or complaining - and this is especially true for those of us who don’t identify as male.
But negotiation is part of growth. If we don’t let others know what we really want - whether that’s our boss or our partner - things will stay as they are.
We are always within our rights to negotiate - and we need to reframe negotiation as an empowering conversation. Read on for some tips for doing just that!
Get clear on what you want - and why
The first step to negotiating anything is to get really specific about what it is that you’re asking for - and why you want it. If you’re after more flexible working, is it so you can spend more time with your children? Want more money? Perhaps you’re saving for a house, or feel like you’re putting in too many hours for too little remuneration.
While you can keep the why to yourself, gaining a clearer insight into your motivation is crucial as it will help you better frame these conversations with your boss (or whoever). When you connect the what and the why, these conversations start making a whole lot more sense.
2. Do your research
If you’re looking for more money, start researching what other people get paid in your role. Document what it is you’ve been doing that shows why you want - and deserve - a pay rise (all those extra hours, that great piece of work, that compliment from a client, all those meetings you’ve led etc). Do research on the wider industry, but also on yourself!
3. Don’t be afraid to ask for more than what you want
When it comes to having that conversation with your boss, don’t be afraid to ask for more than you actually want. Looking for a rise of 5k? Ask for 10k. Want to work from home two days a week? Ask for three. You get the gist!
Negotiation is a back and forth process - we often don’t get exactly what we want - so being strategic about it and leaving room for bartering is the way to go.
4. Get clear on how this change adds value to the company
Whether you work for a business or an individual, you’re being paid by them to do a certain job. That means that when it comes to negotiating the T&Cs of that job, you need to make it clear that there’s something in it for them, too.
If you’re negotiating for higher pay, is it because you want to feel valued - and therefore you’ll show up more if you are? If you want to WFH, is it so you can pick your kids up from school and will then want to stay at the company for longer?
When you think about adding value, some of these things might be personal but they also might benefit the wider community. For example, if you’re negotiating to close a gender pay gap at your company, you’re enabling others to be valued in the way they deserve in the future.
5. Schedule in intentional time with your boss
Requesting a meeting with your boss, manager, director or whoever else can be pretty nerve-racking - but it’s super important to let them know in advance that you want to talk about this specific thing. In other words, don’t book in a meeting as a generalised catch-up and then catch them off guard by requesting a pay rise.
We can often think that springing these conversations on someone means they’ll be more likely to say yes - but this isn’t really the case. By giving your boss a heads up, they can better prepare for the chat so that it can be productive from the get-go - rather than both parties acting from a defensive place.
And when you go into that meeting, don’t be afraid to take notes with you and refer back to them.
6. Allow the other person to be heard, too
It’s a cliché, but negotiating is a two-way street - you have to allow the other person to be heard too, even if they’re not giving you the response you’re looking for.
It’s also okay to not commit to anything in that meeting - if you’re unhappy with what’s offered, you can always say “I need to take this away and have a think”.
At the end of the day, no matter how prepared we may be for a negotiation, our request may not be met. But even if the answer is no, this really shouldn’t knock you back. Often, a “no” isn’t the end - it can actually be an opening to realise that you want something else.
Negotiating - even when the answer isn’t what you’re looking for - ensures that you never get stuck, and keep moving forward.