Finding joy: breaking the anxiety habit and getting out of your own head

Our Finding Joy series is all about helping you find happiness - even in the tough times. In this piece, we discuss how getting out of your head is essential for accessing joy, and offer some tips on breaking the anxious habits that get in your way.

It’s a Saturday night. You’re at the pub. There’s a beer in your hand, and four close friends around you. Everyone’s laughing and swapping stories. You feel like you should be happy (this is what a good time looks like - right?). But you’re spending more time wondering if you’re actually enjoying yourself than you are - well - *actually* enjoying yourself. 

I’ve often found myself so consumed in thought about my life - past, present and future - that I seem to forget that life is happening. At a dinner party, I’m inclined to overthink my outfit, posture, manners, and conversational skills - so much so that I’ll get home and realise I don’t remember much about the party itself.

Anxiety is the thief of joy. It can stop you from participating in life with the lightheartedness and flow that you need to access true fun. But anxiety is a habit - and there are psychologists trying to teach people how to break it. 

Explain, please!

Habits have three elements: a trigger, a behaviour, and a result. When something is uncertain, it can trigger incessant worrying - a behaviour which, ironically, feels sort of good. It tricks us into thinking we’ve got some control, because we believe that ruminating might help us solve or anticipate the problems. That may feed other habits that feel rewarding in the moment, but aren’t healthy in the long run - like leaning on snack binges, drinks, or online shopping (guilty!). 

So how can I break the anxiety habit?

Neuroscientist Dr. Judson Brewer recommends mapping out your anxiety habit loops. When you get into your head, try to figure out what triggered the feeling. Then work out which behaviours you rely on to manage the anxiety and what kind of reward they’re giving you (like the pleasure of avoidance or the illusion of control). Then, he recommends “disenchanting” yourself out of the habit.

… And what does that mean?

The problem with habits is that they’re mindless - we don’t make an intentional decision to do it every time we indulge the behaviour. But if we start to pay attention to an unhelpful habit, we’ll realise that it actually makes us feel pretty bad, despite the illusion of a reward. Once we’ve paid attention 10 or 15 times, we can pretty successfully teach our brains that the habit is useless and we should stop relying on it. That’s called disenchantment.

Cool! What next?

After that, you’ve got to offer your brain a better way to handle the trigger - one that you know will make you feel better. The habit that Dr. Brewer offers up is curiosity - embracing your anxiety without judgement and getting curious about what it feels like. Avoidance behaviours will likely only make the anxiety worse, and fixating on the “problem” feeds the anxiety loop. Probing the anxiety itself, however, can break us away from rumination and redirect our energy towards living with anxiety.

While these tips can definitely help you get out of your own head and open up space for joy, you may find yourself in need of something more if you’re struggling a lot with anxiety. Check out these resources at Mind, the mental health charity.