Finding joy: doing things alone is the key to living a joyful life on your own terms
The Know writer Julia Hernandez explains why she’s learning to love being alone, sharing the benefits and her tips for getting started.
Let me set the scene.
I’ve been living in a new city for the past year with a close friend-slash-flatmate. When she informed me that she’ll soon be leaving the city we’ve shared, I came to the unfortunate realisation that she makes up approximately 90% of my social life. Facing the prospect of making friends - or, well, not making friends - sent me into a bit of a spiral. But when I probed my deepening concerns, I realised that they were all coming from one place: the fear of being lonely.
Loneliness is an awful thing - we know that. Long-term loneliness can contribute to depression, and it can even put your physical health at risk.
But we also know that being alone isn’t the same as being lonely. Lots of people who live alone are completely content, and many who spend their days surrounded by others still experience loneliness. So what I’m worried about may never even happen - I won’t necessarily fall into a pit of loneliness just because I might soon be spending less time with company.
As I pondered what life will be like without a constant companion, I figured I’d need to get *a lot* more comfortable doing things alone. I’d bet that most of us would first call up a friend before buying concert tickets, setting out on a day trip, or heading to a bar. And that’s fair - some things probably are better in pairs. But we’re underestimating how much fun we can have with only our own company to count on.
I’ve started exploring some solo activities recently, starting with taking long walks by myself and indulging my love of musicals by going alone to the theatre (surprisingly few people actually like joining me at musicals - it’s the bane of my existence).
Here are my takeaways from my alone-but-not-lonely ventures so far.
It helps to start small. You don’t need to dive in the deep end by dining alone. Entering a space that most people come with company can be daunting. Work your way up with lower-threshold activities, like going on a solo hike or sitting in a cafe with a great book.
It’s so good for your mind. So, so good. Research shows that being alone can increase your creativity, help you solve complex problems, and boost self-awareness - and it all comes down to removing yourself from social pressures and distractions. When you’re surrounded by other people’s opinions, it can be difficult to find the space for your own imagination and reflection. Taking that space back can help you work through things you’re struggling with, or even just open up avenues for new ideas and values to grow.
Plus it’s great for your confidence. It can be really empowering to do things by yourself. At first, it might feel a little awkward in that “is everyone staring at me” kind of way. But once you leap that hurdle, you can discover that you’re actually great company! Realising that you can fill your own cup independently really raises confidence.
Ironically, it's a great way to meet people. While the goal of going out and doing things alone probably shouldn’t be to find company, it happens more often than you’d think. Out of every ten times I sit alone in a cafe, nine occasions see me striking up a conversation with a stranger. When people aren't surrounded by a big group, they’re just easier to approach - so it might actually help you make friends if that’s what you’re needing.
It allows you to make the most out of life. A frustrating truth is that your friends might not want to spend their time the same way that you do. That can look like your pals not wanting to see the same concerts as you or to join you across the city to visit a pretty park. It’s tempting to ditch your desire if you can’t find company, but that doesn’t need to be the case. Exploring your interests is essential, and you shouldn’t compromise on doing the things that you want to do. Learning to enjoy activities by yourself helps you take your time into your own hands and to really appreciate your life.
We’d love to hear your thoughts about doing things alone! Let us know about your experiences over on Instagram @theknow.media.